Oliphant Parts

It’s a sunny and bitterly cold morning and I am still enjoying the warm fuzzy feeling from Tuesday’s victories. Maybe Americans aren’t as stupid as I thought. Sure, it took six years for those swing voters (who would have thought we would all end up haiving such high hopes for swingers?) to realize that war is bad, ignoring domestic issues is bad, instituting a police state is bad, leadership through inimidation, swagger and stupidity is bad and running up a massive deficit while trying to distract the nation by arguing it doesn’t matter because the economy looks good is, well, bad. The important thing is now there will be a little democracy thrown into the mix, and that is good. Not that a few war crimes tribunals wouldn’t be good as well . . . my dream team to face this would be Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, Rove, Cheney, Bush and Rice. Maybe even toss in an attorney general or two past and present if possible, although I guess that is kind of a stretch. Still, it’s my dream, and I like the sound of the Gang of Eight. Maybe Condi’ll get out of it by being declared mentally unfit after she claws Laura’s eyes out in a fit of jealous rage. Hey, as I said, it’s my dream!

Speaking of dreams, I dream of the day someone actually calls Bush on his lies. Take for example, his statement that we wanted Rumsfeld to continue as Defense Secretary for the remaining two years of Bush’s presidency. Why did he say this, when he apparently knew Drunksfeld was on the way out? “The only way to answer that question and to get you onto another question was to give you that answer.” So, lying because it is expedient, lying because you just don’t feel like talking about something is perfectly acceptable. Thank you, Mr. President, for setting a fine example. Have you ever had even the slightest shred of integrity? I didn’t think so. Truth isn’t stranger than fiction when it comes to Bush, just a stranger.

Burns and Allen, get over it already and concede defeat. You’re losers. Sorry, am I the only one who got the reference? Damn.

It’s like Christmas, Thanksgiving and my birthday all rolled into one: Rumsfeld resigns! Oh please make this a GREAT year; let’s have an impeachment of the President and Vice President, followed by a war crimes tribunal finding them (and the rest of the architects of the Iraq war) guilty. Of course, the cherry on top would be a stroke for Karl Rove, leaving him paralyzed and unable to speak, but still alive, and Dennis Hastert being convicted for his involvement in the Abramoff scandal. After leaving the office in disgrace for his handling of the Foley affair, of course . . .

Oh what a glorious day! Say, did Mary Cheney survive her hunting trip with her dad?

Here in Idaho we had a close race for governor, but the Pedophile Party candidate won out in the end. It also looks like Bill “Breast Cancer Causes Abortions/Abortions Cause Breast Cancer/Critical Thinking Causes Godlesness And Brain Tumours” Sali won in his race. Damn. Oh, and I can no longer marry a fence post. If it weren’t for the Marriage Amendment, I, like most men, would have been running out and marrying livestock, fence posts and anything else we could get our hands on. Thank goodness for that amendment, folks. Now that gay/livestock/fence post marriages are a thing of the past, our families are safe and divorce will never rear its ugly head again, right? Seems like returning to the glory days of women as property would give the Grand Ol’ Peds the desired outcome, not this silly anti-gay amendment.

Okay, I still have to finish reading the comics, so good night and here’s hoping that George “The Big Macaca” Allen and Conrad “Firefighters Are Lazy Bastards” Burns lose in their respective races.

[Update at 12:20pm: Holy Crap! Burns lost?! This day just keeps getting better and better! Somebody pinch me! Oh please have my morning wish come true and have AP publish photos of the VP with a crack-whore in the back of a station wagon . . . ]

The wife beat me to the polls, but I will make it there shortly. My dream for next election season:
1. Enactment of “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” law ends 99.473% of all political ads.
2. Political auto-dialed messages no longer permitted to those of us on the “Do Not Call” list.
3. Assuming he runs again, Idaho State Senate – District 4 candidate Jeremy P. Boggess works a little harder to make his newspaper ad look at least a little less like the sex offender notifications printed in the local paper (really, would it be so hard to either change your layout or at least use a head shot that doesn’t look like it was taken during booking or on a morgue table?).

Really, that’s it for now. I’m sure after tonight’s news coverage, I will be adding something about not allowing newscasters to yap incessantly about their best guess as to who the winners will be.

Speaking of politics, I noticed yesterday that Prick Cheney was planning on spending the day hunting with his daughter and, er, someone else. Really, would it kill me to keep the article around long enough to use it as a source? Anyway, happy hunting, Prick. And please don’t demonstrate your stance on gay marriage by shooting Mary.

[Update: I've voted, and am still trying to get this da**ed thing posted. Something seems to be going wrong with my ISP.]

. . . and two more calls from the party that loves to party with little boys . . . call #1 was a Bush recording, call #2 was some asshat I didn’t bother to identify before erasing. Really, they should consider targeting their messages.

So I think I have waited long enough, but so far nobody has pointed this out yet. Foley: Wants (has?) sex with underage boys. Clinton: Wants (has?) sex with adult women. The GOP message? Clinton got away with it, so why should Foley be punished? Huh? Since when has consensual sex between two adults been the same as sex between and adult and a minor? Given Tony Snow’s comments about it being a relationship between an older man and a younger man, I can only assume that this means the GOP are proud supporters of pedophilia. Just one more reason why I am not a Republican.