It’s time to face the truth, people: Paris Hilton is not attractive. Sure, she’s blonde and definitely sports the concentration-camp chic when it comes to weight, but has anybody ever listened to her talk? Or looked above her scrawny neck? There is more to beauty than clear skin stretched too thin over your skull and more to personality than a whining undeserved sense of entitlement.

I generally avoid reading or watching anything related to Ms. Hilton, but even I’ve heard about her latest troubles. Busted for drunk driving, then driving on a suspended license. And now saying it is unfair that she will actually be punished for her own actions? Welcome to the real world, babe; there are consequences for your actions. I know, it’s rough being treated like everyone else, but it happens sometimes. So please, Paris, shut the hell up for a bit, serve your time and maybe get a bite to eat.

You might also want to get some sleep: The pictures they keep plastering all over the papers here show you either squinting or gazing off to the side, eyes half-closed. Maybe if you got some sleep you’d remember things a bit better. Like to turn off the video camera before sex if you’re really that concerned about your privacy, or that laws are supposed to apply to all people, not just to those of us unfortunates who weren’t born to obscene wealth.

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