Once again, we’re making headlines here in Northern Idaho. No cross burnings this time, but rather a hoped-for book ban. Some may say this is silly, but I say it is time. We need to stand up for what is right. No more smut in schools. But why stop there? Let’s get it out of other gathering places as well. More specifically, it is time to address smut in churches.
You want to limit our children’s exposure to descriptions of violence, rape, incest, murder and sorcery? Ban the master of smut and filth: The bible. This collection of short fiction stories covers everything from erotic poetry to bestiality and homosexuality to murder and rape, all woven against the backdrop of the story of an angry supernatural being who behaves like a very powerful amoral child, smiting and coveting humans throughout history. At one time, he knocks up a minor character called Mary and demands that the world worship the offspring of his affair, a magician named Jesus.
The first part of the book (pre-wizard) is mainly people performing acts of cruelty and having a lot of sex and the supernatural Yahweh critter throwing hissy-fits and killing people. At one point, after a lot of gay sex and people not doing what he orders even though they are supposed to have “free will” and do what they want, Yahwey says “no way” and causes the world to flood. What a pouter!
The second part covers more of the sorcery of the Jesus fellow, performing transformation spells and giving free-love hippie speeches that nobody seems to listen to. Eventually, Jesus is killed, gets reanimated, and then takes off, vowing, like the Terminator, to come back. During his moments of reanimation, Jesus was the oddest zombie I’ve ever heard of. Instead of hunting the living for brains, he gave a couple more speeches and hung out at parties, showing off the holes in his hands and drinking with his friends.
It can be a bit of a rough read, but that is because it was written by a lot of different people who didn’t seem to have a solid agreement on the motivations of the main characters, and some of whom must have been rushed to publication while all they had were their basic background notes. Heck, there are sections that are just lists of things. But, if you’re banning smut, you might as well ban the poorly-written stuff as well as the good stuff. Cheers.
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