Shocking. Electrifying. No f****ing fair. We put up an electric fence in our back yard this weekend. “Why?” you ask? Because our dogs eat trees. And roses. And Yucca. And rocks. And pretty much anything they can get their mouths around (we’ve already discussed the dog turds, so no reason to bring that up again, [...]
The stock market is ticking up again. You can thank me with cash or chocolate, your choice. Yes, it was me and my decision to buy a new printer and espresso machine, bouying up the market. Send cash now, and I will get a new computer and really get this whole stock market thingie cranked [...]
The Daring Dragoon has been festooning the dead Christmas trees in my front yard with toilet paper. I may have to toss out an old refrigerator or a couple of Trans-Ams on cinder blocks to make his path more crowded and harder to navigate while prancing around in a red cape and black paper mask [...]
Let’s get this started properly, shall we? First, a Porn Orchard homage to Tom Waits and Peter Murphy. There, I feel better now. I’ve been away a while, as one or two of you may have noticed. And if you didn’t, then in the spirit of the season, fuck off and die. Oh, it’s going [...]
Quiet desperation beats vocal frustration any day in my book. My book is rather thin at the moment, however, so your mileage may vary. Which is why I recommend properly inflated tires. And a hat. I should still be working, but I am waiting for the din above me to quiet. The boy-child is screaming [...]
We drove up Old Topanga Canyon Road, past my first house, past Erik’s old house, past the home of the Strychnine Sisters and on to Red Rock. We almost gave up, the single-lane road crowded in by parked cars and garbage cans, twisting and rutted, and so obviously leading nowhere. Red Rock is beautiful, even [...]
I said goodbye last night. Not that it mattered; every time I came into the room, we met anew. I was alternately a stranger, my own father, a son, and on rare happy occasions, myself. My grandfather knows that he is in a fog, recognition and memories just beyond reach, and it frustrates him. Then [...]
It’s unlikely Obama will win in Alaska, but at least it looks close. It’s nice to know that even though all I ever did was throw money at Obama, someone in my family was out working hard for an Obama victory. Thank you, cousin Molly!!!
I came in the night, shrouded in darkness, relying on my sense of smell rather than sight. What I smell is manure. Horse and cow shit, to be precise. This is not the SoCal of my childhood, this is Norco. A working-class horse town, dirt and gravel riding paths rather than sidewalks, Norco is an [...]
It’s the end of the season, and we are actually a week ahead of schedule this year. The yard is leaf-blown, but the pool is covered and winterized. I’ve performed the annual blowjob (shut it, you pervs!) on the sprinklers and backyard faucets. The gazebo cover, or what is left of it, has been packed [...]
