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Forests

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Published on: June 23, 2007

Back end of owl flying away

We have fairy rings. Fairy rings in the front yard. Fairy rings in the back yard. Fairy rings in the orchard. Wherever I look, fairy rings. The interesting ones are the ones in the orchard, which came with the house. Instead of rings, they’re more like serpentine paths. I have only myself to blame for the front and back yards, I suppose. I know that I need to de-thatch and aerate the lawn, and it wouldn’t hurt to occasionally pick up the hundred or so pounds of chewed sticks that the dogs leave lying about (perfect fuel for fungi!). Unfortunately, I keep coming up against an insurmountable obstacle: I really don’t like lawn maintenance.

Sick owl on my roof
If I had my way, I’d turn the entire front and back yards into mini forests, canopied with maple, sumac, ash and hawthorn, the ground covered in anything other than grass and weeds that is willing to grow here. No mowing, little or no weeding and far less watering. We’ve already got quail and pheasants nesting out there, along with various blackbird species, damned starlings, robins and tons of other little hoppity birds. Oh yeah, killdeer, doves, hawks and the occasional owl. With more trees and bushes, maybe we could get some of the grouse to wander over this way as well as increase the number of quail and pheasant. Anyone out there willing to convince my wife that this is the way to go?

psst!– In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve started a serial novel. Okay, more of a serial short story. The goal is to create a really bad noirish detective story. In case you’re interested, it is in the new category: Serials. Anyone willing to write a chapter or two for this thing?


Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now

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Published on: June 21, 2007

I gave my two week notice this week. With all of these conflicting emotions, I don’t know whether to laugh with joy or scream ecstatically with excitement and, um, joy. I think I’ll go with joy. It’s a big step, but as long as the kids don’t decide to get sick, it will be months before we are homeless. Joy!!!

Hopefully this means more time to torture fish.
l with bass

Battling Literacy

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Published on: June 18, 2007

I’ve heard it argued that to help battle illiteracy, parents should read the daily newspaper with their children. This will stimulate their minds, inform them about the world around them and help them develop a lifelong love of reading. That may work well in some parts of the country, but up here in northern Idaho, we’re all rugged individualists. We don’t like to follow other people’s trends, but make our own. And where is this screw-you attitude most apparent? In our daily newspapers, apparently. The names, faces and stories have been blurred to protect the innocent, but the headlines are there in all their glory. Oh, what beautiful Annivyrsariys, Wyddings, Engagymynts and 4Births . . .

Bad paper!


Such Bloody Awful Poetry

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Published on: June 18, 2007


I call this “Killing Time.” Either because I’m killing time writing this crap, or because you’ll want to kill me just to get me to stop. Either way, here’s some poo-etry.

“Blissful Sleep”
Lonely, horny, waiting for morning
your snoring is boring
I want to sleep again
but I can’t.

A freight train in bed
thund’rous snores again
and me without earplugs
to stick in my head.

Have you considered sleeping
standing on your feet,
lying in the tube
or out on the street?

Good god, woman!
How does a sound so large
come from a hole so small?

(more…)


Old Folks

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Published on: June 18, 2007

White headed weed
I need to stop watching movies with my wife.
“Dang, he’s ugly! He’s got a shrunken apple-head.”
Yes, dear, Garrison Keillor definitely has a face for radio, but let’s just watch the movie. We finally saw “A Prairie Home Companion” and enjoyed it very much, shrunken apple-heads notwithstanding. The challenge to watching it, or any movie on the weekends lately, is that it doesn’t get dark until at least 9pm, and by then we’ve had a full day of weeding, planting trees and performing random home improvements. By 9:45, my blinks can take over a minute to complete, and there’s only so long that Jennie’s snoring can keep me up.


Mixed Nuts

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Published on: June 14, 2007

View from my hotel room
Shouldn’t the TSA be able to hire someone who can spell? Yesterday’s travels included staring at a TSA sign listing the “AMMENDED” information about carry-on restrictions. I can understand a hurried note with typos, or even the text of a lazy-ass blogger’s (hey me, I’m talking about you!) blog being riddled with spelling and punctuation errors, but shouldn’t a government agency, one that is supposed to be concerned about our safety, put a little effort into making sure they do things right? I mean, this isn’t like the set of TSA-approved locks of mine they stole, or the fact that they frequently can’t be bothered with actually zipping my checked luggage completely shut after searching it. Spelling is important, dammit!

What else? Hydrophobia. My eye doctor offered me lenses with rabies today! Oh wait, he’s actually referring to their ability to repel water and oil (the latter of which really should be referred to as oleophobic in the literature, not lumped under hydrophobic). Okay, that’s all for today. Move along. I have an expense report to fill out and a bad attitude to adjust.


Sing Me To Sleep

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Published on: June 13, 2007

View from the office
Yes, I’ve been traveling for work this week. I just spent the last three days in San Francisco: Monday and Tuesday in the financial district and Wednesday at SFO. I have decided I travel too much, so I’m going to try for a new job that requires less travel. Maybe I’ll be a flight attendant.*

Too much time in airports dealing with crappy airlines makes me a very cranky boy. With the latest cutbacks and budget airlines, things are only going to get worse. Why fight it?– I want to start my own airline. Not only will I charge extra for checking luggage, using the overhead space and for blankets and pillows, I’m charging for everything else. You want a seat cushion? Those will be rented by the hour here at RoadTrip Airways. Water landing and you want to use that seat cushion as a flotation device? Please be sure to pay one of our friendly flight attendants the flotation fee, plus the $20 drying/restocking fee. If a hotel can charge me to store my own water in the mini-bar, I sure as hell will be charging customers to dry out and replace the seat cushions. I’m not stingy, though. In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will be available for less than a dollar per every five minutes. My advice is to fly only full flights, however, otherwise chipping in for the tank of fuel is going to be a bit pricey.

Okay, time for bed. Hopefully I will get some sleep. It’s going to be tough with Jennie’s snores and moans. She pauses between snores every 10-15 seconds to moan “no!”, followed by either “eat squirrel” or “eat squirrels” and the occasional “yes!”. I think she’s spent too much time around the dogs lately. I am actually kind of surprised her legs aren’t twitching, because that sure as heck sounds like a chase dream to me. Fortunately, most of the dogs’ chase dreams aren’t punctuated by snores that sound so much like someone trying to snort a Jell-O-covered watermelon up each nostril. Damn, it’s going to be a long night . . .

*Just kidding. I’m going to be a pilot.


Poking Holes

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Published on: June 13, 2007

big metal man from the embarcadero
I have no idea what went wrong with the first aircraft of the morning, just the vague statement of “mechanical failure” from the gate attendant. So much for needing to arrive ninety minutes early. The second aircraft’s problem was obvious: a gaping hole in the side of the aircraft where the baggage loader was rammed into the plane. Sigh. Somebody’s probably looking for a new job today. So now I depart at my original arrival time and get to ride at the back of the bus. Er, plane.

I could have flown out last night, but wanted to make sure I had plenty of time for the meeting I flew down here for. The same meeting I was “disinvited” to on arrival. Putting a positive spin on things, I am still getting paid to sit here, four hours and counting, at SFO.

Instead of flying out yesterday, I had lunch with Susan, put in a few more hours at work, then headed out for a stroll along the Embarcadero. I have never spent much time down there, which is a shame. Were I to find myself stuck in San Francisco and in possession of entirely too much money, I’d join the Gateway Tennis and Swimming Club, maybe spend and hour or two relaxing in the late afternoons in Strauss Park before wandering down to Fog City Diner for a Buffalo Burger, 22 ounce Pale Ale and a 15 year old single malt. Fortunately, I am neither stuck in San Francisco, nor in possession of obscene quantities of cash. Sigh again.
(more…)


In The Weeds

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Published on: June 9, 2007

My yard is in full bloom. Unfortunately, it’s almost alll noxious weeds. Oh well. Here’s today’s sample of weeds:

Yellow weed with small worm
I have no idea what this flower is, but it makes the caterpillar happy.

Bee on dandelion
Yay! Bees!

Yellow weed
Looks kind of like a dandelion on steroids.

Green bug in pink flower
Is that a spittlebug, leaf hopper or aphid?


Pasty

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Published on: June 8, 2007

goggles
No school and the sun is shining for the first time in a week! The girl-child has her new bike (perfect attendance has its perks) and the boy-child is soccer-crazy. So what are they doing? Sitting in the basement, playing with toy horses. Sigh . . . Get out and pull some weeds, you slackers!


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