Every day, millions of lights across this country are needlessly left on, the result of CCFR. Every day, millions of watts of energy are wasted. Every day, dishes are left scattered across the table and counter, muddy footprints are tracked through houses, and family pets go without water. All the result of CCFR. CCFR, or Children Can’t F***ing Remember, strikes almost every household in America, afflicting at least 99.99999999999997%, and possibly up to 300% of all children under the age of 27. This debilitating illness must be stopped. And with your help, it will.
For an initial donation of $59.99, you will receive your own Child Motivator Stick, 16 inches of lovely polished oak, inset with attractive brass studs in the head. This heirloom quality tool, when gently applied to the backside of a child afflicted with CCFR, will remind them to remember, overcoming the CFR portion of CCFR.
After you have received your Child Motivator Stick, you can continue with the program for $20 per month, receiving timely emails and notices on when and how to help motivate your child to remember. No more skateboards on the stairs. No more pizza slices in the couch. Your child, like tens of others in our great nation, will finally overcome near-terminal laziness, and finally remember. So please, give to Stop CCFR. Do it for the children.
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