Oliphant Parts

a sunny morn
a shaft of light
a quiet room
a sleeping cat
content
in a pool of light

Just as the sun sets in the west, rises in the east and blisters my nose in the summer, I am certain that I have some of the laziest beasts on the planet living here with me. At the moment, farting dog is lying at my feet, making sure I don’t extend my legs too far under my desk and adding a slightly greenish tinge to the air in here. Hopefully the vacuuming will be done in the hallway soon so that I can open a door.

Ooookay. So, coming back from vacation wasn’t such a brilliant move after all. Had I the resources, those two weeks would have given me a good running start for a life of freedom. Turns out, Cisco’s looming like a bad, um, looming thing? and NBA’s demanding some results. So, off to Suckass, NJ again to help with the NBA and hide from Cisco. Too bad I have no idea wtf I’m supposed to be doing with the NBA. I can’t jump, can’t shoot, and sure as hell don’t have a clue as to what’s wrong with their logging systems. Oh well, I guess it’s Uno’s and Houlihan’s for a week and the delights of the saggy Holiday Inn mattress. At least I get to catch up on Futurama. And to Erna, I got your email and yes, I’ll write, as soon as I get back from Secaucus (I knew I’d get the spelling right one of these times!). I think the biggest problem the NBA is having is that they’ve located nba.com in Secaucus.

It’s a common state, but once again, my desk is a mess. My laptop (and all of its acoutrements) is piled in front of my monitor. Stacked on top of that is the March/April 2004 “Library Technology Reports” which I have yet to finish in preparation for Calamari, my great Internet content filter application (yes, 2 years, and I’ve barely scratched the surface). To the left is a phone, stacked on several Java manuals, which seem to be blending in with old newspapers and various magazines. Just for kicks, the kids have mixed in a few of their books, some broken toys and a stuffed animal. Interspersed with all are random pieces of paer, credit card receipts and screwdrivers. The typical computer desk, right? It’s time to bring in a back-hoe and excavate this thing, if only to allow me to concentrate on more important things, like staying awake for the full day.

If I were sensible, I would take occasional breaks from work and clean this sty rather than blog. Hell, I’d even take breaks from the occasional breaks to sample port to clean this desk, were I sensible. But I am not, so I won’t. Viva la filth!

I really do have it good. I work from home, get paid well and do not have to visit Kansas or the east coast all that often. Sometimes it is difficult to remember how good I really have it. Today is one of those days. The rain falls sideways, and the sky is various shades of grey. Thunder rolls through on occasion, shaking the windows and terrifying the dog. I guess she isn’t totally deaf after all. Even the with all the skylights and large windows in the house, it feels dark and empty. The cat, staring longingly out the dining room window, has in his gaze captured my mood perfectly (assuming that he is thinking about how cold and miserable it is outside, yet how depressingly trapped he feels inside rather than just thinking that it’d be nice to nip out back and pee on something).

Warm inside, cold dark and wet outside. And yet the insecurity of outside is what I want right now. Or maybe I just want to sleep through noon; most likely it is sheer laziness rather than unhappiness that prompts me to give up on what I have.

Is work supposed to leave you feeling useless, anxious, hopeless and generally stressed? Or is it supposed to be fulfilling (or at least neutral)? For me these days it s the former. I have a whole slough of bosses, it seems, all with different agendas. Makes it a bit hard to focus; I typically have to decide which one(s) I want to send into a fit that day and which one(s) I want to mollify. Makes for a rather hostile work environment. The only sensible thing, I suppose, is to focus on the money, ignore the chaos, and ride it until the end. That just doesn’t sound like fun, though.

A more adventurous person than myself would quit and work on his photography, on the two books he’s started but doubts he will ever finish. A more adventurous person would not worry about mortgage payments or insurance or a madly-spending wife. Ignore Nancy and follow Nike: Don’t just say no, just do it! Unfortunately, I am not a more adventurous person. I like stability. I would choose guaranteed drudgery and safety over potential happiness. so I wait, toiling away and building up stress. Eventually I’ll either get fired or die. Either way, I can stop worrying about it then. Ahh, bliss! Okay, back to work.

I’m going/I’m staying/I’m going/I’m staying. Oooookay. It looks like I’m staying. If anyone’s reading this, I spent the past week in Boulder, CO. Nice town, nice cool weather, but I really wish it would’ve snowed. And I have a ton of stuff I need to blog from my time there (I may not be willing to purge my stomach, but I have no problems purging my thoughts. Some time I should try a mental binge as well). Anyway, I was supposed to go back to Boulder this morning. Or maybe not. Definitely supposed to. But wait . . . that’s been my day today. Nothing really useful done, lots of stress, but at the end of the day, no flight. I think I like it. Okay, I’m rambling; it’s time to get back to work.

Looks like I get to go to Denver after all. Or maybe it’s Boulder. Hopefully somebody will tell me where to go once I get there . . .

Maybe not, but at least the end of the day. Mission Nothing Accomplished for me. I may be heading out to Colorado for a week or two, starting next Wednesday, or I may not. Should be fun; I can hear the screams from home already. I’d better start moving the laundry mountain now if I expect to wear anything clean next week. Although, that could provide me with a bit extra space on the flight over . . . Blah. I’m burnt out.