Tag Archives: bad ideas


Gay marriage, or as most people call it, marriage, isn’t a threat to straight marriage; human biology and economic uncertainty are. Ban hormones and restore, say, the tax rates of the 1950’s. And maybe take a serious look at your life decisions if you feel threatened by gay marriage. Perhaps your inner fabulous is trying to tell you something about what kind of marriage you should really be in.

p.s. — Don’t ban hormones. That would be even stupider than DOMA.

p.p.s — I misused that semicolon in the first sentence, didn’t I?

Fundamentally Wrong

Attention G-DUB (Tard Sauce), Penis Cheney (Evil Sauce), Walnuts McCain (Apple Sauce), Bubba Clinton (Dick Sauce), Phil Gramm (Whine Sauce) and the rest of you assholes who forgot about the whole Great Depression and thought deregulation was a good idea: It’s the deregulation, stupids! Privatized profits, socialized losses. And yet, no social health care. Why is socialism good when it comes to banks and large corporations, yet so very very evil when it comes to the actual citizens of this country?

It is apparently not fiscal conservatism that drives the Republican machine (once again, yes, I know that Clinton is not a registered Republican), but rather pure greed, hate, lies and hypocrisy. For all your bluster about the evils of socialism, you are quick to jump off your privatization high-horse and screw the average American with bailouts of your own colossal fuckups. Repeal the Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act, close the “Enron Loophole” and reinstate the Glass-Steagall Act. There is a reason that we built protection in there after the excitement of our first Great Depression. Honestly, it wasn’t so great, so why are you morons so keen on reliving it? Every motherfucking one of you idiots involved in deregulation should be stripped of everything you own to pay back the American people. Haven’t we learned yet that conservative values lead to a complete meltdown that apparently can only be resolved with the application of liberal values? You should all be forced to spend the next five and a half years! being repeatedly kicked in the testicles for eight hours a day. After that, if you’ve somehow accepted that greed is bad, responsibility good, we can revisit whether the kickings should continue for another five and a half years.

This is ridiculous. As an average American (too fat, not overly-bright, and fearful of change. I don’t own a gun, but am seriously considering it. Sure, I believe that religion in this country has been seriously perverted by fundamentalists, so keep your god off of me. But I am willing to drink like a fish and be bitter, so I think I still work out as somehow average), I don’t want to have to learn about Glass-Steagal, worry about how much of the country you’ve already sold to the Chinese or hear one more story about some complete moron who gets $25 million just for being the CEO of a failed institution. Just fix the shit and get the hell out of the way. Regulate, since it is obvious that when it comes to everything, we don’t consider the best interests of our planet, much less our neighbors. And please, for gods’ sakes and ours, get a fucking clue.

p.s. — As for energy independence, how is drilling more going to help when oil is globalized? It’s not like American oil stays in America. It is a (relatively) free market, you fuckwads! And besides, it sounds like when it comes to Drill Here, Drill Now!, you’re doing it wrong.

And hey, McCain, if you and Palin somehow win this thing, remember that I’ve seen a checkbook, so I am highly qualified to run the treasury under your administration. Please send me whatever paperwork I need to sign for the job.

Okay, I feel better now.

Invisible Fist

It’s hard to take McCain seriously when he talks about reform and economic policy, especially in reference to the current housing and financial crises that we are facing. Is he unaware that these crises can be blamed almost completely on legislation sponsored in part by his former campaign co-chair and economic advisor, Phil Gramm?

Phil Gramm, one of the geniuses who brought us the Enron Loophole and the Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act*, which gutted the protections provided by the Glass-Steagall Act from nineteen-thirty-whatever . . . hmmm, what was that event called that the Glass-Steagall Act was a response to, and supposed to help prevent from happening again? It’s on the tip of my tongue . . . rhymes with “fate regression” . . . oh well, I’ll figure it out at some point.

Thank you, John McCain. Thank you Phil Gramm. And thank you to whichever party has been in power for the past 8 years for allowing these crises to keep building, providing us all with a deep fisting by the invisible hand of the market. If it weren’t for your awesome work, we would not have the stellar performances demonstrated by great corporations like Enron, Lehman Brothers, Merrill Lynch, Tyco and WorldCom.

*Yes, I am aware that then-President Bill Clinton, a Democrat, was the Idiot In Chief who signed off on this. I shall forever remember him as the president of blowjobs and bailouts.

UPDATE, end of day(ish): Wow, what a day. It’s a good thing the “fundamentals of our economy are strong”. I’d hate to see what McCain considers a bad economy. I think it’s time to invest a few more dollars in hope with a donation to Obama. It’s not like my money will be worth anything if McCain wins.