Tag Archives: republicans

Keep Him Safe, Please!

Welcome, President Obama!!!  I’ve finished my champagne, listened to the concession speech interrupted by typical angry booings and slurs, and am going to bed.  Too bad McCain couldn’t have been this gracious for his whole campaign.  Perhaps things would have turned out differently if he hadn’t fomented so much hatred.  But it’s finally over, and the best man won.

I was amazed at how quickly it ended.  My memory is fuzzy on election nights prior to 2000.  Honestly, it hadn’t mattered that much to me before then.  2000 dragged out for weeks.  2004 took a day or so, I think.  Tonight, it all ended with California closing its polls.  Thank you, California.  Actually, thank you, nation.  Or at least those parts that voted Democrat.  The rest of you can go to hell. 

Yes, I know I’m supposed to be magnanimous and forgive the hatred and bigotry of the right, but honestly, fuck ‘em.  I’ve had to put up with eight years of incompetence and evil from the Bush presidency, two years of hate-based campaigning for this presidency, and twelve years of your so-called Gingrich-inspired crapolution, so if you’re going to be a sack of douchewallops, I am not yet ready to forgive you.  Frankly, I fully support the AIP, but only as long as every motherfucking one of you that voted Republican this time around is shipped off to Alaska before it secedes.  Fuck you and the party you stand for.  That is all.

Fundamentally Wrong

Attention G-DUB (Tard Sauce), Penis Cheney (Evil Sauce), Walnuts McCain (Apple Sauce), Bubba Clinton (Dick Sauce), Phil Gramm (Whine Sauce) and the rest of you assholes who forgot about the whole Great Depression and thought deregulation was a good idea: It’s the deregulation, stupids! Privatized profits, socialized losses. And yet, no social health care. Why is socialism good when it comes to banks and large corporations, yet so very very evil when it comes to the actual citizens of this country?

It is apparently not fiscal conservatism that drives the Republican machine (once again, yes, I know that Clinton is not a registered Republican), but rather pure greed, hate, lies and hypocrisy. For all your bluster about the evils of socialism, you are quick to jump off your privatization high-horse and screw the average American with bailouts of your own colossal fuckups. Repeal the Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act, close the “Enron Loophole” and reinstate the Glass-Steagall Act. There is a reason that we built protection in there after the excitement of our first Great Depression. Honestly, it wasn’t so great, so why are you morons so keen on reliving it? Every motherfucking one of you idiots involved in deregulation should be stripped of everything you own to pay back the American people. Haven’t we learned yet that conservative values lead to a complete meltdown that apparently can only be resolved with the application of liberal values? You should all be forced to spend the next five and a half years! being repeatedly kicked in the testicles for eight hours a day. After that, if you’ve somehow accepted that greed is bad, responsibility good, we can revisit whether the kickings should continue for another five and a half years.

This is ridiculous. As an average American (too fat, not overly-bright, and fearful of change. I don’t own a gun, but am seriously considering it. Sure, I believe that religion in this country has been seriously perverted by fundamentalists, so keep your god off of me. But I am willing to drink like a fish and be bitter, so I think I still work out as somehow average), I don’t want to have to learn about Glass-Steagal, worry about how much of the country you’ve already sold to the Chinese or hear one more story about some complete moron who gets $25 million just for being the CEO of a failed institution. Just fix the shit and get the hell out of the way. Regulate, since it is obvious that when it comes to everything, we don’t consider the best interests of our planet, much less our neighbors. And please, for gods’ sakes and ours, get a fucking clue.

p.s. — As for energy independence, how is drilling more going to help when oil is globalized? It’s not like American oil stays in America. It is a (relatively) free market, you fuckwads! And besides, it sounds like when it comes to Drill Here, Drill Now!, you’re doing it wrong.

And hey, McCain, if you and Palin somehow win this thing, remember that I’ve seen a checkbook, so I am highly qualified to run the treasury under your administration. Please send me whatever paperwork I need to sign for the job.

Okay, I feel better now.

The Bush Effect

How sad. Back in 2001, The Onion provided us a look at 8 years of G-Dub, and yet there were still enough idiots voting for him the second time around to allow him to continue his reign of destruction. Thanks, idiots. Apparently democracy is not the answer if a majority of your population is easily distracted by scary words and shiny things. Can we please retire him and his entire administration to Guantanamo now?