Tag Archives: Spokane

Conversations With Myself

Oh Marmaduke, you’re such a card . . . what are you doing no- f**k me, is this thing on? Oh hey there . . . so, what is today’s topic? Oh yeah, California versus Idaho. I like California, I really do. But I also like paying a dollar less per gallon of gas, half per kilowatt of electricity, and not having to dodge piles of shi… feces while walking in public places.

So, California, or more precisely, Humboldt County, California: Majestic redwoods, foggy mornings and sunny afternoons, beautiful windswept beaches, and the mighty banana slug. I do not think I could give up the ocean again. Humboldt is beautiful, but suffers from a poor economic base and the high cost of California living. Everything from land to gas to milk to taxes is more expensive here, even though so many here are poor. Maybe if we weren’t paying $4.47 per gallon of gas, we would have more money for more important things, like cookies.

Idaho, or Coeur d’Alene anyway, is flat and cold and filled with people who believe the current President is a Kenyan Marxist Socialist Nazi Communist Manchurian Candidate (i.e. “the sheriff is near”). It is also quite affordable. And unlike Humboldt, Kootenai County has no shortage of doctors and great libraries. It may not have as many breweries as Humboldt, but it does have Trader Joe’s, Lowes, Home Depot and Spokane, WA nearby. I would sell my wife for a Trader Joe’s in my area (hey, TJ’s people, are you listening?) . . .

If I switch to driving a UEV and move the family into one of these, California might just match Idaho on the affordability front. Idaho will never match California on the oceanfront and banana slug front, however.

Incognito I Party

Last night was the coming out party for our I. She was beaten and tattered, abandoned in our back shop. Unable to care for her, we had to give her up in September. After a few days on Craigslist, drawing out the crazies, we were contacted by Tiffany, a Spokane artist. Tiffany planned on painting the I with things that begin with the letter I, which seemed a much better choice than my plan on continuing to hurl words that begin with F at the I every time I had to move her out of the way.

Tiffany and her partner came by a few days later and took the I home with them. All was quiet until last week, when we received the invitation to the Incognito I Party, held in Neato Burrito. Being the great patrons of the arts that we are, and knowing that the Baby Bar was just down the hall, we drew on our moustaches and headed out to the party. It was great fun, although one of us (not me) had a few too many drinks and spent the night in the bath tub.

So, what are the I words? Well, there are Insects, Ice Cream, Imprisoned (bird), Incandescent Idea, Iron, Identical Twins Innertubing, Implant (teeth), Indian girl with Internal Organs, Impala In Love with Indian Girl, Incognito (girl disguised as furry monster), Inhaler (in hand of Indian girl with internal organs) and Idaho. I’ll leave it to you to put the label to the pictures. I also apologize for the flare, but it was quite dim in the I’s new home, and I couldn’t use just ambient light. I think the I is quite happy. And if I can find the original photos, I can show you her humble beginnings.

Here are the responses that failed to bed the I, from our Craigslist posting “I” need a home:

Hi,
Some information on your “I”.

In 1952, in the fields of Latah, a crash occurred of unknown origin.
Government officials were quick to cover up the crash, saying it was an
experimental aircraft.
I was on the team of investigators who recovered the remains of the
“aircraft”. I am here to tell you the piece of material you have is of
extraterrestrial origin.

Jason “Blake” Thompson and Rolland S. MacDougal were also on the team. We
recovered the bodies of 12 very small – 2.5 feet high “aliens”. All
deceased.
It is very clear to me that you hold in your possession, on of the original
parts to the ships interstellar drive. It may look innocent, but do not be
deceived!
With the correct voltage and amperes, the device you hold can transport you
into parts of our galaxy the you will never return from.
That is what happened to my two colleagues.

Please contact your local AIT (Alien Investigation Team) and have the object
removed with the utmost care!

Sincerely,
A concerned ex-government wasp.
=======================================================

HI,

Just by chance,does the beautiful lady come with the I ? LOL
=======================================================

hi, I’m not interested, but the ‘i’ looks like an ‘h’ to me if you looked at it sideways. I honestly think it is an ‘h’. Hopes that helps a bit. My opinion is that it used to be a store name sign.
=======================================================

I would like to thank you for the laugh…That is a very funny ad, especially the Vanna white pose.

I would also like to challenge your perception of the letter “I” you have in the photo and possibly blow your mind altogether….

If you lay it on it’s side it actually might be a short, fat “H” ?!?
=======================================================

just in case you were wondering that could have been used as a beer pong table those are perty much the exact demensions of an official table.

you might have luck getting rid of it near college campuses 🙂
=======================================================

This is not goodbye, dear I, for I am sure we will visit you again soon.