(Warning: This first item will make you want to douse someone in gasoline and call them Sparky. Please make sure you pick the right person if you do so.)

Today we have animals in the local news. The first one comes from the exciting city of Athol. The town’s original name was Colton, but the townsfolk felt that name was too plain and decided to rename it something catchier. After discovering there was already a Sphynkter, Nebraska, they settled on Athol with hopes of making it big in the bumper-sticker slogan market. Less amusing is the recent arson-related wildfire, set via flaming cats. Per the someone doused the cats in a flammable liquid and lit them up. To paraphrase (although honestly, I remember the line somewhat differently) Henry Chinaski in Barfly: It’s not that I hate people, but I seem to feel better when they’re not around.

And now for our second animal-related story (with the headline ripped straight from the Spokesman-Review): Logjam on Salmon strands about 200 rafters. All I can say is “Damn! That must be one big salmon!” Oh, it’s just the river. . . Nevermind. It would have been a cool story, had it been an actual giant salmon. Okay, back to work.

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