Good morning, and welcome to the Inland Northwest NewsMinute with Nathan O!. Israeli forces continue to pound the crap out of Lebanon, targeting ambulances in an attempt to reduce hospital crowding. The U.S. continues to supply weapons to Israel and humanitarian aid to Lebanon, which makes some wonder if it wouldn’t be more efficient to cut out the middlemen and send in U.S. troops to shoot and bomb, then treat Lebanese civilians (and perhaps the random Hezbollah casualty) ourselves.

Outside of the Middle East, or as most people call it “One of the most fucked up spots going on right now”, it is the 25th anniversary of the marriage of Princess Di and Prince Charles. As the marriage died, not unlike the princess herself, years ago, we’re guessing that it is a slow news day for Good Morning America. Lacking heartwarming stories of rescued kittens and exciting new colors to invigorate our lives, GMA focused instead on the wedding day and the impeccable fashion sense of Princess SweaterVest. Interviewed were the dress designers, which in one reporter’s opinion may have been somewhat of a mistake, owing to the “Oh my god!- Is that a tarantula on your head?” hair style of one of the designers. Fashion and faces meant for radio, indeed.

In this big ol’ country, 3 out of 4 American’s supposedly believe in the paranormal. In other news, research begins to study the question: “Could a lack of reason and a need to find validation through god, the paranormal or other external influences be a genetic trait, or did the parents of 3 out of 4 of us just really screw us over psychologically?”

This NewsMinute brought to you by “Life in the Can”, the heartwarming story of those hundreds of thousands of fertility clinic blastocysts that spend their last cutlture-of-life affirming moments each year snuggled in a trash liner before rotting rather than being used by evil scientists to become something useful and of actual benefit to society.

Thank you for tuning into NewsMinute with Nathan O?. Good night, dog bless, and never trust a hamster with a flamethrower.

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