Trolling Through Your Personal Data
Hello, and welcome to Inland NorthWest NewsMinute with Nathan O!. Today’s news brought to you by Global Warming. If you like hot, you’ll love “Holy Shit It’s Hot!” day, presented every day this week, thanks to forward-thinkers the world over (today is “The President Said Shit In Public After Signing The Decency Act So Shit Must Be Acceptable Day”, so don’t write to complain). Yes, global warming, a little slice of hell for everyone.
In National and International News, fighting continued in the Middle East. Where? Who cares? Just choose a country at random and most likely there’s fighting. Russian President Vladimir Putin may or may not have done a creepy kiss to a child’s tummy, and U.S. President George W. Bush managed to survive eating another pretzel.
In Local News, disgraced former Spokane mayor Jim West is stil dead and is finally getting doing better in the polls than current mayor Dennis “police brutality and incompetence is good for the city” Hession. The Giant Palouse earthworm is still not the official State Invertebrate for Idaho, but this reporter still has hope. The Peregrine Falcon (today is “Random Capitalization Day”, by the way, so please do not Write To Complain) has been selected to grace the Idaho State Quarter, which comes as a great blow to those who hoped the worm would make it. Please, Idaho, we need an official State Invertebrate, and no other would symbolize our great state quite so well as the Giant Palouse. Just think, two famous Appaloosas for our state!
In Sports, the Spokane Indians lost again, Tiger Woods played golf well somewhere, the Seattle Mariners beat some Canadians and plenty of other sports were played, we’re sure. We’ll try to care a bit more for the next NewsMinute.
In Home and Fashion News, the latest houseplant turns out to be silk. Yes, for only $80 to $190, you too can get your very own silk pot plant, courtesy of New Image Plants. If anyone wants to spruce up the NewsMinute offices, feel free to send us a 6 footer. Please folks, just don’t try to smoke it.
This has been Inland NorthWest NewsMinute with Nathan O?. Good night, good luck, and don’t forget to wash behind your ears. And remember, you are only as old as you smell. Or feel. Or look, really. And maybe act. (today is “Random Spelling Error Day”, so don’t write in to complain)
