Be warned: This is not a face you want to see while eating. I have no idea what sort of diplomat he was, nor what his qualifications are for running the World Bank. I do know, however, that flipping the page of my morning paper and having him staring back at me as I tried to eat was very disturbing. The good news is that he makes Wolfowitz look almost handsome in comparison. Wow.
Friday morning, time to go home. Yes, it’s much too early to be up, but I can’t sleep. The people are nice, but I do not like the South. Too humid. Too southern. The ice cream has ice crystals in it. Hmmm, maybe that last one is just a Hilton thing. I’ve lived in Georgia and North Carolina, and am definitely a West Coast boy. And right now, I am a very Tired Boy who needs to put on some clothes and finish packing. I’m outta here!
Life just keeps getting better and better . . . first Blair calls it quits, Jerry kicks it and now Wolfie’s quitting. Impeach the Prez and Veep, maybe throw in some jail-time (or at least a firing) for Condi and Gonzales, and this will be my best year this millenium. Here’s looking to the future!
In other good news, I get to leave Alabama tomorrow morning. Last night’s rain showers were great, but I’d still rather be home, banjo knees or no.
I woke up this morning to the smell of smoke. No alarms, just smoke. It was worse in the hallways. A little nervous, I went outside. Ah, good, it’s only a forest fire. My hotel isn’t burning, just Georgia. It’s the little things in life that fill me with joy.
Now if I could find a way to send the smokers to Georgia. Silly, really, having one side of the hallway non-smoking, the other side smoking. Did they think that the cigarette smoke would know to stay on its side of the hallway? More likely a matter of slogans: “Welcome to the Hilton, where we just don’t care!”
Two beers and a bloody mary later and he wanders to the bank of elevators, waiting patiently for the cars to arrive for the short ride up. Four stories, that’s all. Schindler’s lift again. Like the Burbank Airport Marriott, the world’s slowest elevator is in use. The stairs would be quicker, but being both stubborn and lazy, he waits. Not a good choice with a bladder this full. Time passes slowly, each second marked by the further expansion of that swollen pouch, every ounce of liquid turning to urine. Oh Joy! The elevator arrives.
Standing before the mirror, observing the decaying hulk that is me. Muscle turns to fat, bulging here and there. No longer lean and angular, more eggplant. I am old. Damn. It happens to the best of us. I deserve this room, I suppose. I checked in to a room with two neatly-made beds and a bathroom with drip-stains around the toilet, two pubic hairs in the shower and a strange brown streak on the wall an inch short of the toilet paper. Is it possible that the sheets have at least been washed? I wouldn’t be surprised to find the obligatory dead hooker in the box-springs. Welcome to the Hilton Garden Inn in lovely Montgomery, Alabama. Oh joy.
It’s time to face the truth, people: Paris Hilton is not attractive. Sure, she’s blonde and definitely sports the concentration-camp chic when it comes to weight, but has anybody ever listened to her talk? Or looked above her scrawny neck? There is more to beauty than clear skin stretched too thin over your skull and more to personality than a whining undeserved sense of entitlement.
I generally avoid reading or watching anything related to Ms. Hilton, but even I’ve heard about her latest troubles. Busted for drunk driving, then driving on a suspended license. And now saying it is unfair that she will actually be punished for her own actions? Welcome to the real world, babe; there are consequences for your actions. I know, it’s rough being treated like everyone else, but it happens sometimes. So please, Paris, shut the hell up for a bit, serve your time and maybe get a bite to eat.
You might also want to get some sleep: The pictures they keep plastering all over the papers here show you either squinting or gazing off to the side, eyes half-closed. Maybe if you got some sleep you’d remember things a bit better. Like to turn off the video camera before sex if you’re really that concerned about your privacy, or that laws are supposed to apply to all people, not just to those of us unfortunates who weren’t born to obscene wealth.
Now that they’ve made their decision on the president of the world bank, can we have them turn their attention to the President of the United States?
Two terms as President of the United States, and the only legislation Bush considered veto-worthy:
1. Embryonic stem cell research. Yes, I agree that helping fight disease, illness and disability is a bad thing. Thank you, Mr. President.
2. Troop funding. Because pulling out of a war that you had to lie to start would be wrong, let’s veto funding that includes a suggested timeline. Besides, if we didn’t fight “them” over there, we’d have to buy them plane tickets and fly them over here so we could fight them here, right? Yes, I agree that increasing the number of traumatic brain injuries in American troops is an important goal. Thank you again, Mr. President. That stem cell research would really come in handy about now, I’d think.
3. Extension of federal hate crime law to cover violent acts based on a victim’s gender, sexual orientation, gender identity or disability. Yes, we’d hate to have gay-bashing be considered a bad thing. As James Dobson of Focus on the Family so nicely puts it, this legislation would prohibit him and his ilk from spreading the loving word of God through the use of hate. Besides, as the President argues, states already address this issue. Right, which is why we don’t need silly things like the Voting Rights Act of 1965 either; states do a dandy job of providing equal protection to all on their own.
Y’know, I really don’t like him. Really. Could somebody hurry up and start the impeachment process, please?
It’s time Cuba honoured their leader with a new capitol. I envision a city named Fidel, if only so that I can visit some day and let people know I’m in Fidel. Okay, that was much funnier in my head. Damn . . .
Anyway, I am so glad that I am not a duck. Thanks, Dale.
There are some things you do not expect to hear from your Mormon wife. “You need to drink more beer” is pretty high on that list.
I’m a little slow, but I think I get it. We went to war in Iraq/Afghanistan to guarantee bankruptcy of Social Security and Medicare. Brilliant. By providing all that money for the strengthening of Al-qaeda and the Taliban, by doing our patriotic duty and plunging Iraq into civil war and providing a strong focus for idealistic religious fanatics, Christian and Muslim, we’ve provided a decent-sized national debt that should work well as an argument to do away with all those silly entitlement programs our federal government runs. Social Security? No money. Medicare? No money. Highways? Sorry, still no money. No Child Left Behind? Stupid kid, get with the times; we’re leaving the whole damned nation behind. Eight years of governance by Intellectual Conservatives, and it shows.
