We saw Eragon today. Having read the book, I was curious how they’d pack everything into just over and hour and a half. Having seen the previews, I was curious as to how cheesy the special effects really would be. I can now safely say that the special effects were as cheesy as they could possibly be, and they packed everything in by cutting out almost every subplot and anything involved in character development. I’d be willing to guess that the screenwriter read a Cliff’s Notes version of the book and that the director wasn’t even aware that there had been a book. Yeah, it was that good. To paraphrase Brom, this movie was 1 part book and 3 parts schmaltz. If you’ve read the book, seeing the movie is just going to piss you off. If you haven’t read the book, you’ll be left wondering what the point is to anything on-screen. Yeah, it was that bad. And once again, since I love paraphrasing . . . Plan 9 From Outer-Space called and they want their “worst movie” title back. Okay, maybe it wasn’t THAT bad. But still . . .

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Well that was just horrible. I’ve just finished hot-tubbing and scrubbing every inch of my body in the shower, thanks to a moment of life imitating art. Assuming you can consider the Baby Ruth scene from Caddyshack to be art, that is. Jennie and I were enjoying a nice bit of private time in the hot tub when the chilluns decided to start a snowball fight with us. Unfortunately, one of the snowballs contained a gooey caramel center, and when it landed in the hot tub and melted, we were treated to the sight of a floater.

I knew what it was immediately, but couldn’t stop myself: I had to pick it up and prove it. Yep, poo. I dropped it, which wasn’t such a great idea. Now I had several smaller pieces to bail out of the hot tub with a bucket rather than one big piece to just toss. Oh joy. At least it’s over now. I’ve showered, the hot tub is currently being super-shock treated, and tomorrow I’ll consider cleaning the filter and draining the tub. Thanks, kids.

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Hey, we’re back up to 6f! It’s time to break out the plaid shorts and shake the snow off the fake palm trees! I didn’t notice it dip below 0f, but I slept well last night, so who knows? Must’ve been all the blood lost when I tried taking my left index finger off with a hatchet. I really need to remember to toss that thing in a vise when sharpening it.

So, politics. We had Prick Cheney visit Coeur d’Alene last month (or was it the beginning of this month? Anything prior to yesterday is a blur these days), with the local GOPeds claiming it wouldn’t cost taxpayers anything, that they would cover all the expenses (quite nice of them, considering you had to be a good Republican to get tickets to the event). Funny, now it looks like it’s going to cost the taxpayers everything. Should I really be surprised that honesty and integrity are not part of the Republican way? Deception, denial and delusion, yes.

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Lousy night’s sleep last night. I kept waking up and passed the time watching the temperature drop. The lowest was 18f. Tonight we’re supposed to get -20f with wind chill . . . maybe it’s time to move the rabbit in from the garage. I don’t think Mr. BunBuns wants to be a bunsicle.

Wow. Today’s photo of Mahmoud Ahmedinejad and Jalal Talabani is the first color photo I’ve seen of Mahmoud. The combination of Miami Vice suit and Dilbert sweater vest is phenomenal! Was he hoping to be cast in the role of Tubbs for a second Miami Vice movie, or is he just in serious need of a wardrobe consultant? Preferably one who doesn’t want to make him dress up like a cast member from Queer Eye . . .

Sleep shouldn’t have been a problem last night. I got plenty of exercise shoveling snow (which considering today’s weather was pretty much a complete waste of time) and went to bed early. Could the bottle of Cabernet I finished just before bedtime have kept me up? Okay, time to stretch and prepare to face my day.

(pssst! Hey Jeanie, you still alive?)

[Update: Okay, please, somebody, tell me that’s just his sweater vest bunching up and not a fanny-pack on backwards in this photo.]

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Yay! According to the CIA, I am a daring thrill-seeker! Must’ve been the horse and buggy ride. I was so hoping for thoughtful observer.

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Is it a bad sign that the dream I’ve woken to the past few mornings has been of divorce? Sure, I’ve woken up sad, but also a little relieved. For this Thanksgiving weekend, I want to give thanks that I won’t have any more four-day weekends for a while. Let’s just hope that Christmas involves less screaming at the children on the wife’s part. My favorite Mormon Mommy quote of the week: “I’m sorry, I guess I just don’t like kids.” I’d say it’s time for a spa day. Or making dreams come true.

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There’s an odd smell in my office this morning. I don’t think Mango pooped in here, although she has been known to do so. As far as I can tell, there are no plates of old food on my desk, although I may have to excavate for an hour or so just to be sure. Perhaps it is time to actually clean this place.

We had parent-teacher conferences for the kids yesterday. The girl-child does quite well, but tends to be highly disorganized. Homework assignments frequently have to be done twice, either because she misplaces them or because they are too messy/crumpled to be turned in. Looking in her desk is like looking in a landfill. She hasn’t thrown away a single scrap of paper since the beginning of the school year, apparently. I have no idea where she gets this behavior from. Maybe I should challenge her, tell her I’ll clean my desk if she cleans hers.

The boy-child also is doing quite well, but has a spotless desk. Where the girl-child rushes through her work and forgets to turn it in, the boy-child finishes all work on time, keeps it neat, and if it is math, includes extra problems because he wants to move on to subtraction and multiplication. Apparently, he’s taken it upon himself to teach the other kids in his first grade class the concepts of infinity and of subtraction. Hopefully he’ll keep up on the math stuff, because Jennie’s ready for someone to take over the balancing of the checkbook and maintaining our Quicken data. Since she is on the math squad, I’d suggest the girl-child, but I’d hate to find the checkbook crumpled behind a dresser and the computer files somehow merged with a Scooby Doo game. C’mon, boy-child!- stick with math so your parents can stick you with the chore of maintaining household finances!

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I’m going to another swim meet this weekend, and if I have time, I’ll be upgrading my MovableType install. Not only is there a new version that I want to upgrade to, but I’ve finally spent the extra bucks and ordered a hosting package that gives me mysql and want to use that instead of static posts. What does all this mean? My site will probably be down for a few days while I curse at my computer and rant about inadequate upgrade instructions. It will be great fun, I am sure.

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My kids are always good for a laugh. Sure, it may be at them rather than with them, but the important thing is that we are laughing. Yesterday’s laugh-fest was boy-child induced. He waited a bit too long to go to the bathroom, and when he finally let loose, he managed to spray everywhere but in the bowl. Being a boy, he then left, leaving the mess for someone else to clean. That someone else was his aunt, who promptly sat in the puddles he’d left on the seat. She didn’t laugh, but I certainly did.

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