Happy 4th, now let’s talk about me.
Happy 4th of July, everyone. And with that, let us turn this back to my favorite subject: Me. Here’s the post I meant to put up last Wednesday after arriving in McLean, Virginia.
I love to write, to watch my ideas form on the page. You (or someone else if not you, you inconsiderate worm!) would think that I would like using a text editor, but I do not. Given the choice of a blank page or a blank screen, I choose the blank page every time. For me, writing is a physical process, with each scribbled word pouring out of me via the pen. To type is to reduce words to random pokes. I do not form letters when typing, I just jab buttons. In short order, my thought is lost, abandoned while I consider form and structure over content, or think of the other things I could be doing with my computer (so much porn, so little time?). With a good pen and a pad of paper, all I can do is write. Or doodle. And for those of you who think my writing is awful, you should see my doodles and be glad I have stuck with writing.
My biggest impediment to writing – to life, actually – is a severe lack of discipline. Which may explain why, at 38, I am still an undergrad, still on academic leave, still have twelve units to go. Considering how many units of unrelated courses I have taken over the years, you would think they could make up a major for me, just to get me off the books. Seriously, just giving me a degree would be a great write-off. I promise to hide my affiliation with you as well as possible, HSU.
Where was I? Oh yes, discipline. I have always found the path of least resistance lies in distraction. Makes me a very grounded guy. Ha! Grounded . . . path of least resistance? A little electrical humour there for you. Shockingly bad, of course. Without discipline, a writer never rises above the status of scribbler. I fill notebooks in fits and bursts, but never edit. Plot outline, character development and even basic research are left by the wayside. So where does that leave me? Heading to Virginia to take notes, ask questions and pretend to be knowledgeable in a pre-sales role. A professional services “Software Consultant” with delusions of authorship and a poorly-defined professional role. My current job fits me, in a way. Had I more discipline, I might be a Senior engineer in deed rather than just title (yes, another one of my roles, albeit not the one currently printed on my business card. Then again, “Warm body to send wherever and whenever we don’t know whom to send” is not printed there either). With enough discipline, I should write, not just regurgitate my current thought.
Speaking of regurgitation, my plane is boarding, 15 minutes late, and these seats are actually comfortable. So, to fly halfway across the country in a large(ish) jet, late at night, Delta provides crappy non-reclining seats. For a ninety minute buzz from Cincinnati to Dulles in a commuter jet, Delta provides reclining leather seats. I think I hate them even more now.
And now, back to your regularly scheduled whine. Which is that I am tired and lack discipline. At the end of the day, I will take care of one of these and ignore the other. Some day, when I am ready to bring my life into balance, I suppose I will take care to the other one. In the meantime, I am leaving Ohio. Isn’t that enough of a step forward for one day?
