It’s the end of the season, and we are actually a week ahead of schedule this year. The yard is leaf-blown, but the pool is covered and winterized. I’ve performed the annual blowjob (shut it, you pervs!) on the sprinklers and backyard faucets. The gazebo cover, or what is left of it, has been packed away with the chairs and toys and everything else outdoorsy. My yard looks so nice right now. If only I could convince the kids not to unpack anything when spring comes.

We may be ahead of schedule this year, but so is winter. It’s too damned cold out there. We decided to splurge and get some new windows this year, but they won’t be installed for a few more weeks, which means we may have several exciting days battling snowdrifts in the living room and elsewhere as the windows are installed. Fun!

If only election season would end, I would be a happier man. I’ve grown tired of listening to McCain/Plain supporters shouting that Obama’s a commie muslim socialist terrorist antichrist who is going to steal all of our guns and money, rape our white women and bring down the country from within. If those are the voices of “real America,” then I wish that he were all those things, if only to get them to shut the hell up. Every day it gets a little harder to believe that the phrase intellectual conservative wasn’t always an oxymoron.

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