It’s 5:15pm and my beer is only half empty. Must be Friday. Ah, that explains why I am watching Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog and not working. If only I’d thought to order a Wine Rack, I wouldn’t have to go upstairs in five minutes for another drink. I have two new books to read, but here I sit in a slightly dazed haze of booze (yes, I am a cheap drunk these days, having started to go glossy with one beer). Books will have to wait until tomorrow — I need to find out if Billy gets Penny, or whether she sticks with hammerpenis.
I missed a good time yesterday. While I toiled away in the sweatshop that is my basement office (I need to get my fan back from the dwarves), Jennie and the kids went to Silverwood. The only low point was Aaron’s roller-coaster ride, which ended with a bloody nose and black eye. Apparently, tucking your head and letting your face slam repeatedly into the safety bar while waiting for the ride to be over is not fun. Poor little guy. After getting off the ‘coaster, he pointed to the top of the ride and said “I left my stomach up there.” He’s done with roller-coasters, I guess.
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Posted under Family by Nathan 06.08.2008 Comments Off on I Left My Stomach Up There
Considering Bush has been selling America to the Chinese over the past seven years, it makes sense he’d ask for SOMETHING in return besides loans for our Global War of Terror. Funny, I always thought one of the pillars of the conservative movement was personal responsibility. I guess that doesn’t extend to war money.
Sigh . . . if only the pretzel plot had succeeded . . .
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Posted under Politics by Nathan 02.07.2008 Comments Off on Sellout
Why did I think electing a Dem would bring back the illusion of the separation of church and state? I wish I could quit you, Obama, but there’s still no way in hell that McCrone is getting my vote. Hey Barry, quit compromising, dammit!
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Posted under Politics, Rants by Nathan 02.07.2008 Comments Off on WTF?
I have built an awesome BlackBery speakerphone amplifier. Unfortunately, marketing may be a bit difficult. If you are like me, you are not happy with the tinny sound you get from your BlackBerry speaker. Well, be unhappy no more! With my miracle amplifier, you will have a fuller, deeper sound for your calls.
Step 1: Grab a roll of toilet paper.
Step 2: Put the roll of toilet paper on your desk with the tube standing vertically.
Step 3: Put the BlackBerry on the toilet paper roll, speakerphone pointing into the tube.
Yay! You now have a Nathan Oliphant Original BlackBerry Amplifier (NOOBA). Amaze your friends and family with the improved sound quality! Impress your co-workers with your creativity! Just make sure you replenish the toilet paper holder before your wife steps into the bathroom if you didn’t grab a fresh roll from the supply closet for step 1.
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Posted under Whatever by Nathan 02.07.2008 Comments Off on DIY
The joys of owning an older home are many-fold. I am learning all sorts of skills I would have never considered before just to keep this thing from collapsing around our ears. I am able to stimulate the economy frequently with my trips to the hardware store, checks to various contractors, and extra booze from the liquor store to provide an occasional sense of oblivion that lets me escape the question “What’s going to break next?” Over the past three years I have replaced every toilet in the house (two by necessity, one just because it was too damned hideous to keep), replaced the roof and the occasional window (yes, single pane glass seems a bit silly in a climate that ranges from 0f to 110f), dealt with various plumbing nightmares and have been constantly reminded of the previous owner’s (or PO for the rest of this) love of PVC. When I am not repairing something, I am usually out trying to eradicate the noxious weed sanctuary that is our yard. Five acres of knapweed, milkweed, thistles and more! Joy.
This week, two months and two years late, I decided to learn how to maintain sprinklers. Sure, I’ve replaced the occasional sprinkler head, had to replace a hundred yards or so of PVC in the lawn when the tissue-thin variety PO so very loved burst under pressure, the occasional shovel strike or the sheer weight of boredom, discovered how NOT to wire automatic sprinklers and replaced the occasional solenoid. But beyond blowing out the lines at the end of the season, or replacing something when a sprinkler quit working, I’ve never really maintained my sprinklers. Turns out you can get them to work better if you clean their filters, or at a minimum, clear the gravel from the pipes when things clog. Now our sprinklers are clean and working properly. The sprinkler system is, in fact, better than it was when we moved in, as long as you don’t count the one we can no longer find in the front lawn and are really hoping we didn’t install the fence directly over it. Hooray!
Well, almost hooray. It seems someone has stabbed one of the sprinkler lines, so now we have a beautiful fountain on watering days. Fuck. I am ready to move to a condo. No sprinklers, no mowing, and no knapweed. At least I have something to do this evening beyond read and weed.
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Posted under Family, Whatever by Nathan 26.06.2008 Comments Off on Strangling Kittens
My Linux laptop was murdered today. Video now consists of a black screen with several white horizontal lines. I am fairly confident that the boy-child is the culprit. Grrrr. I’d be more annoyed, but I am currently preoccupied with a shower faucet that has decided to turn into a fountain. Joy.
The girl-child and wife are in the Tri-cities area for some sort of horse training seminar, so the boy-child and I are enjoying a mellow rainy weekend at home. We watched Kung Fu Panda yesterday and he spent the rest of the day playing Metal Blob Solid and SuperTuxKart. It’s going to be a shock when we get a real video game console and he gets to play games that don’t have penguins, blobs and beta gaming engines.
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Posted under Whatever by Nathan 08.06.2008 Comments Off on Rainy-day fun
