WTF? First it was ISO. Now it’s “GO girl!” Introducing the one magazine that celebrates women over 40. Get a full year free! So, are the market droids assuming that I am a woman over 40, or that I am attracted to women over 40? I hadn’t really thought about age limits, but I don’t think I’ll spend a disproportionate amount of time fantasizing about the 40-plus set yet. Why do I get these offers? Is Nathan a common name for a woman?

Okay, I have to open the envelope and see what they’re pushing. Ah, ageless beauty and style secrets, the good divorce, passing the torch, and lots of shoes. I think there may be a mistake here. First, it turns out the magazine is called more. As in more advertising and more articles that are not relevant to me. Second, I don’t see a single article oriented towards the 36 year-old male computer programmer. Sorry more, but I think I will pass this time. Ask me again in four years when I am actually forty. Maybe by then I’ll be into gender reassignment and interested in your article. In the meantime, I’ll pass the envelope and flyers on to my wife and see if she is interested. Women love it when you claim they are older than they really are, right?

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Over at Great Seats, there are still tickets available for a viewing of the 2005 Presidential Inaugural Balls. So, will they be shaved, or natural?

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Comments I made last week prompted some of you to accuse me of being cold-hearted. I’m not. Rip my heart from my chest and you will find that it is actually quite warm. Actually, please just accept my word for it and leave my heart alone; I really do enjoy my life, high blood pressure, stress, excess weight, overwhelming laziness and all. Also, if you’re going to comment, leave it on the site, don’t email me. I’m horrible about email (probably because 90-95% of what I get is spam) and only read it once or twice a week.

So, it’s January 10th, and I am not sure about my resolutions this year. I ended up only making one resolution this year, then ran out of ideas. I resolved to keep all of my resolutions. So, how do I know if I’ve failed or succeeded? I’m so confused I may have to just sit back and cry . . .

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And this from USA Today:
<quote>
Bush “likes somebody he sees as having overcome potential disadvantages, because he sees himself as having done that,” says Paul Burka, executive editor of Texas Monthly magazine and a close follower of the president.
</quote>

Uh, yeah. It’s rough when you want your dad to buy you the Yankees, and all you get are the Houston Astros. Or am I missing the point? Should the emphasis have been on potential, in which case, poverty is a potential disadvantage Bush overcame. If he hadn’t come from a wealthy family, he could have been poor. Come to think of it, Bush should like me: I potentially could have been blind, crippled, dead, disfigured, Republican, or any number of other horrible things. I’m not, but the potential was there. Hey Mr. President, how about making me the Attorney General? Wait, I don’t support terrorism or torture. I guess that makes me ineligible.

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This from Reuters: “Bush Says Four Iraqi Areas Pose Voting Challenges”

Which four areas? The North, South, East, and West?

Anyway, that’s it for this morning. I’m still a cripple, and too lazy to type in everything I wrote earlier this week. Although I’m sure googlebot, msnbot, and the rest of you bots out there that make up the bulk of my readership are just dying for more . . .

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Sorry, no posts for yesterday. I hurt my lower back earlier this week and have been a bit cranky. Now I just can’t move my head to the left and right. It’s great being in incredibly poor shape. If I were an egg, I’d be in great shape, actually. So, I hurt and have become more hostile than usual. Makes me think of things like the following: “I was going to donate to the Tsunami Aid Fund . . . until I found out it went to the victims.” Terrible, terrible stuff. Next I’ll be bashing the homeless. I shouldn’t complain about them crapping on my sidewalk; I’m the one walking through their bathroom.

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2004 ended with a terrible, horrible, tragic disaster (as opposed to the perky, chirpy, happy type?), the news of which shook the world. Fear, anger, sadness. All words, some of which may have described people’s feelings. Terrible things which affected us all. Yep, Anna Nicole Smith isn’t getting a dime. Thanks Anna, for reminding us all what is really important. It’s a shame you’re too old for the horny octogenarian set these days . . . I guess you’re going to have to get a real job.

In other news, a tsunami caused a bit of devastation in Southeast Asia, and I would like to thank all those happy Kansas Baptists for pointing out the real cause: gay Swedes. Silly me, thinking it was just an act of nature (overly dramatic, hammy, and completely lacking in nuance). So, who wants to break it to God that there are probably a lot more gay Swedes in Sweden than in Thailand?

Which begs the question: What do you do when your God gets a little older and somewhat confused? Is there an assisted living facility for almighty beings that are past their prime? Or can we just send him off to Topeka to spend time with His chosen people? Ah, Topeka, it’s not just for tornadoes anymore. Now with more Intolerance and Incredibly Stupid Statements!

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It may just be a reaction to getting caught, but it is nice to see the so-called Moral Majority actually showing some morality and not changing the rules to protect their own.

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I love book clubs. For $1 a book, you can join clubs with interests ranging from art to science fiction, to computer science. Currently, I am a member of QPB (Quality Paperback Books). Once a month or so, QPB sends me an over-sized envelope filled with a catalog and various fliers, all advertising great books and CD’s at great prices. It is easier than driving to a bookstore, although not as much fun to peruse. Occasionally I join another club, but I always come back to QPB. I used to be a member of the Science Fiction Book Club and have always wanted to join the history, math and science book clubs that occasionally advertise in Scientific American. All those books. When I was younger, and seemingly did little else other than read, I would buy four or five books a month from the clubs (plus four or five from the bookstore, and check out another dozen or so from the library). Now I am older and lazier, and usually only get one or two books a month. Mostly I like looking at the covers and reading the description. It is a form of voyeurism: spying on the books. Sort of like going to the local bookstore and reading a paragraph here, a sentence there, peeking beneath the skirts, as it were. Therefore, I am very excited when I get a new book club offer. I may not buy often, but I do enjoy the browsing.
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Somewhere between mid-afternoon and late afternoon naps, and in between the fits of incessant shopping that mark the season, I managed to fit three movies and a novel into my busy schedule this past week. I think I even gave up my monthly visit to the gym. However the scheduling worked out, I managed to find the time to relax and enjoy the escape. The novel was Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell: A Novel by Susanna Clarke, and the movies, in no particular order, were Danny Deckchair, Lemony Snicket’s A series of Unfortunate Events and Stealing Sinatra. Of the four escapes, my favorite by a good lead was Danny Deckchair, so I will discuss the novel first.
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